Sorry for the rather violent image that you must be imagining because of my ‘what-seems-to-be’ rude words. I have a reason. People suck. I really must start coming up with more original ideas, Thank god wordpress doesn’t have those ‘techy-things’ that picks up on a borrowed word or thought like those used to evaluate the originality of a submitted paper. I would have reached my limit by overusing the phrase ‘people suck’ a very very long time ago. Anyways, Thank you wordpress.
Today’s reason why people yet again disappoint me, even though I am guilty of doing this so many times, is their belief that they have the right to judge a person, and convey it through stares and make the person involved feel really tiny. Tinier even than Stuart Little’s pants.
I was on my way back to the hostel from a long, and a tiring day at the hospital.(not a doctor yet, but still feels good to be allowed to pretend to be one). I watched three deliveries, while two of them brought the cutest little pink wet beings into our wicked world, the other one ended up being a tragic case of intra-uterine death. Since a students job is to just observe the doctors this year, I felt so helpless and obviously was drained emotionally while practically knowing there was really nothing I could do, that these gifted doctors couldn’t. By the time we were let out, I just couldn’t wait to get back to the hostel to my bed, but little did I know those judgy eyes were waiting to devour me.
I got a seat on the bus, a rare occurrence and was just in the process of letting my butt cheeks sink into the much used-worn out seats when a bunch of women in their mid thirties-forties? Entered the bus and looked at me just expecting me to hand over my much deserved butt-cheeks calmer. Now, I am not really a horrible person, I usually if not always give away my butt cheeks calmer-I must start using the word seat- for an elderly person, or a person with a kid-in their uterus or in their hands. But today, my legs were groaning from standing in a congested hot place for 6 hours straight, my mind was too tortured with the image of that dead baby and I really didn’t want to and couldn’t command my legs to straighten themselves for an additional hour, my brain is pretty submissive-refer submissive brains.
So I did what I thought only douche-bags did in situations like these, I shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. Within 5 seconds. Obviously, I wasn’t convincing anyone since one of the braver ladies started prodding me awake and my eyes were forced open by my shoulder-selfish, selfish part of my body. I couldn’t still understand the local tongue, but I could figure out what they wanted my buttchee- ok never mind MY SEAT! Luckily my brain got activated-my lower torso can wake any organ up- and I started pointing at my knee while making groaning, in excruciating pain faces-something easy to master after you spend half a day in the labour ward.It would have worked if I wasn’t headbanging moments ago to a song I’m too embarrassed to share with you, before ‘sleeping’.The group just glared at me, and kept doing so for the rest of the journey but didn’t bother me otherwise and I felt proud and horrible at the same time.
Is it okay to be selfish? I know, this sounds a bit off, but I believe that it’s not such a bad thing to put yourself first sometimes.
I mean, don’t be the self-centered person we have all had to endure at some point of our lives, but don’t also be the too-naïve person who ends up putting everyone else first and misses his opportunity. It’s nice to be nice, but to the right people. Honestly, some people just don’t deserve it. If you let someone get off too easy, because you are too nice, it’s most likely he/she will end up learning the lesson a harder way. Put yourself first for a change if you feel that you have been neglecting yourself for too long. Be selfish sometimes. I honestly feel no one is going to go to hell if you tend to take a day,month,year, forever off to be with yourself. So go ahead, be selfish.
This post is not applicable to the douche-bags that haven’t had a particularly exhausting day, and couldn’t give away their buttcheek-calmer for a person who needed it way more than them.