It’s okay, no actually it’s not

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Is there a statute of limitations on apologies?

is what Harry asks Sally during a scene that I no longer remember. I was watching the movie when this dialogue struck me. Is there?

It’s not easy to upset me, but on the occasion that you do manage to, you’ll realise that’s it’s even harder to get back into my good graces. I have blogged about this earlier and I’ll repeat what I said wrote- Forgiving someone is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Obviously I haven’t tried giving birth yet. Maybe that’s why God invented heaven for all those souls out there that are capable of doing so. Sure I can forgive someone easily if I don’t have to fully mean it, but down the lane there’s a possible chance that I’ll bring this up. I’m such a bright beacon of  joy to be with during arguments.

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Rafiki has always imparted more wisdom than other baboons but I haven't got the slightest clue as to what 'peace' he's referring to!

I also don’t have the energy to argue continuously to get my point across so I do what most of you may take as a blessing in disguise rather than a sort of punishment-the silent treatment. Unfortunately I’m renowned for carrying it toooooo far.
One of my close friends had a slight misunderstanding that I tried to clear but to no avail. So I snapped and I haven’t been speaking to her ever since.That was 5 years ago. She recently texted me emphasising on how silly the whole ordeal was and it was really great to catch up on everything we had missed so far. I don’t need to hear an apology from her because it doesn’t matter now. I mean I personally think there’s a statute of limitations on apologies that you owe to a person after a couple of years. Unless you really screwed up, like the following instance.
I also knew this one guy (I sure know how to pick my friends) that tried to make a move on me when I was half asleep. A dick move, no doubt. He didn’t apologize for the longest time because I think he believed that I was sending out signals- I think he counted drooling as ‘being wet for him’ or something.  Anyways after a couple of years of my infamous silent treatment, he called and apologised profusely citing mental breakdown caused by his then-girlfriend (yes, he was in a relationship then) as a reason. He’s an amazing friend, bar THAT episode, and frankly I missed him. Did I forgive him? Not entirely, but yes. Will I bring this up if we ever have a fight? Absolutely.

Everytime I forgive a person, I feel that a little chip of trust falls away and is replaced by a feeling of an impending sense of doom. I’m scared that I’m making myself gullible to the hurt he/she is bound to create that I now know that they are capable of. It’s not that I find forgiving hard because of superior arrogance, it’s just because I’m just a classic example of a good old scared-y cat. Are you filled with peace after you forgive someone? Or with uncertainty?

31 thoughts on “It’s okay, no actually it’s not”

  1. There was this one instance a while ago, I was seeing someone and she had been through a break up couple of months ago. Everything was normal for maybe three months when we used to hang out and we shared out stories of past and present. Then one day her ex comes back and she just tells me that she is going back to him after some seven months of no contact. After that she doesnt respond to my calls or messages and I am longer there in the scene until recently she says we can be friends (The glory throne of being friendzoned). When I was furious over the whole incident and why she had to lead me when she knew she didnt wish to get into a relationship and plus most of her stories where lies which I later got to know. But then I forgave her and even now when she tries to contact or bring the topic of her bf, I do get acerbic. It’s not only you. We all tend to forgive but not forget what happened.

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    • Ouch! Karma is lurking round the corner, don’t worry! I just always feel guilty about not being able to forgive someone whole-heartedly, it’s just poor character. And if this had happened to me, I wouldn’t even be able to say the words ‘It’s okay’. You seem like a strong, sweet person 🙂 She doesn’t know what she’s missing! 😉

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      • I don’t know what I am doing is right or wrong. People have told me to cut contact with her but I still haven’t managed to do that. Could be a sign of weakness or something holding me back.
        As far as forgiveness whole-heartedly comes, we ain’t Jesus or mother Mary. 🙂

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      • Or Shiva, Krishna, Arjun,Ram..I’m not sure about the rest of the names! My grandmom would be proud that I know these atleast! 😉
        I don’t blame you! My friends wanted to choke me for resuming contact with the guy mentioned above. Sometimes our brains like to mess things up to make life a little more interesting. Atleast that theory is applicable for you. My brain’s been on a vacation for quite sometime now.

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      • I’m sure your grandmom will be. 🙂
        Don’t follow my footsteps of making your life interesting. You will end up hurting yourself and alienating close friends. Your vacation seems to be ending as it has made contact after so many years. 😛

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      • You must make up to those friends of yours! As far as you have told, the girl doesn’t seem like a great reason to lose loved ones. Hope everything turns out fine! 🙂 Naah, your footsteps? I’ll find different, elaborate methods to mess my life up, don’t worry 😉

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  2. This was a really good post. But sometimes forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation, so you can forgive but you don’t have to trust them again. I did a post on forgiveness a while ago because it was only then that I’d truly learnt to forgive, I was like you, I would forgive half heartedly. But then I went to some spiritual sessions and it really changed my life, I realised just how much I held against so many people. And then I learnt to forgive and my life feels so good, it’s like never ending happiness.

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  3. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you trust them again or even stay friends with them. We can let go of the anger and hurt without continuing to allow those destructive people to remain a part of our lives.

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  4. Okay, so I’m gonna give you opinions here, warranted or not…really I don’t think the silent treatment is very effective because it’s passive aggressive and usually doesn’t get anyone anywhere. Also, I ALWAYS accept an apology. People do stupid things and sometimes the only thing you can do is apologize. If they are someone you really don’t want as a friend, just accept the apology and move on. Better to have closure and get them out of your life. If it’s someone you do want as a friend, well, again accept the apology and move past it. It’s not necessary to forget but if they are a true friend, over time you will.

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  5. Yep, I do the silent treatment too. Im glad you decided to be friends again though, its sometimes not worth it, even if your principles are very strong.
    OMG, u crack me up, you are so funny. If im ever in a bed with a man again and I drool, I’m going to say that, “Im so wet for you” LOL u kill me. What your guy friend did though, I don’t know if I’d be quick to forgive that either.
    I have a hard time forgiving because my feelings are very delicate, but if I see that someone really tries to make an effort, I don’t just have delicate feelings, but I also have a soft heart, so I try to let it go–so long as they genuinely apologize.

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    • How else was I throwing signals his way when I was half-asleep? :$ Yes, you must try it! It almost always guarantees a wild night 😛 After all, who doesn’t find drooling sexy?
      You are an extremely nice person 🙂 I’m a complete bitch when emotions are involved. Letting go is so, so hard. My dad used to tell me ‘Fart a little, girl’ which was his way of telling me to ‘let it go’ without turning into an inspirational speech.(Dysfunctional genes are the reason I’m like this)

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  7. I think this is a hard question to answer with a blanket statement but generally speaking forgiving people is always in your best interests more than the other person simply because it makes your life better. That being said, forgiving someone and having them remainin your life is a whole different subject.

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  8. We can’t change how others act or react. We can only work on ourselves (my opinion; I don’t want this to sound like a lecture). So when I forgive someone I feel that it helps me. I try not to worry about how they take it. It helps grace blossom within me.

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    • You are absolutely right. We all must atleast try to do the right thing even if the other concerned person doesn’t do so, atleast for the sake of our peace of mind. It sounds so wonderfully easy on writing, but it’s so hard to do the right thing if there’s a possibility of getting your feelings messed around with once again. I’m still getting where you are, in a rather slow pace though! 🙂

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