Warning: There is some heavy sarcasm that’s about to be thrown your way. The choice to embrace it or run away screaming like a little boy(because why do we always say little girl? Guys should not be taught to shy away from crying and instead be adviced to not make others cry. There’s an ad somewhere, regarding this. GOD, I have deviated already).
The green-eyed monster has been consuming a lot of souls recently. Luckily, or not I’m not quite the right taste for that monster so it mostly lets me be. It’s not because my heart is too pure for it’s taste-buds as I like to think, but rather for the alarmingly lack of interest I have for other’s lives. I’m anyways not getting out of my life alive, so I might as well focus on trying to rectify that little glitch that waste whatever mortal (atleast for now) life of mine by comparing it with yours.
I racked my brain and thought of a bunch of instances when I was in acute danger of getting my insides ripped apart my this monster. Here’s a few cases of classic good old fashioned jealousy:
1. Robert Downey Jr’s wife
Yes, don’t roll your eyes. This will remain at the top. Go away. I want to be alone.
2. An insomniac like me is completely envious of people who can lull themselves to sleep by just talking to themselves. Some personalities are far more efficient than counting a bunch of sheep to induce sleep.
3. People who can just be a piece of furniture and not have any real views on anything. This method clearly is the right way of not making any enemies. Trade your voice to stay safe. Great souls could have just watched the game instead of rioting for the freedom of speech. Such an unnecessary freedom for suck-ups.
4. Some superheroes I personally know have multiple faces that they can throw on when the right occasion calls for. And I’m stuck with one. So unfair.
5. People who are so driven by passion that they’d do anything to get there. Including flirting/sleeping with the professor to get a few extra marks. In a class test. In college. So ambitious. *sighs*
6. Folks that are so clingy. I envy how they can’t let go of something that happened three decades back.
I can barely hold on to my farts during classes.
7. Competitive people, ah! My favourites. These are people I dream and aspire to be everyday of my life. To constantly compare everything from hair, shoes, grade to whose skin tone is lighter- sounds incredibly fun. It’s too bad that I just don’t seem to care, otherwise I could partake in this activity that almost always invites the joy of driving the other person insane.
These are only a few types of people that I have had the pleasure to get acquainted to and be hit with the realisation that I want to be JUST LIKE THEM. Except RDJ’s wife, that is. That one isn’t laced even with a pinch of sarcasm.
Have you ever been sheathed by the green-eyed monster only to realise that the grass seemed greener on the other side because of the monster’s dysfunctional eyes? And nothing else?