Don’t even want to think of a title

Nothing eventful is currently taking place in my otherwise very happening *coughs violently* life. I haven’t got lost-atleast not geographically, mentally I still haven’t found my way, I haven’t drooled over any stranger while travelling(I can’t find the post in which I have mentioned my travelling woes, so bless your luck, you are spared..for now)- I wish I did though because for the past few weeks I haven’t been able to sleep. It’s so weird. There is nothing stressing me out currently, nothing new anyways. I have been having epic mood swings lately which I just attributed to my uterus being cranky about not having a fetus. Periods. I’ll be listening to Bryan Adams rave about his epic summer and be completely,truly in love with life for a minute and the next second I would be reminded of something awful that’s happening someplace else. I’m losing interest in routine a little by little. I don’t read novels into the night like I used to because it tires me. The act of applying sunscreen is too strenuous for me,nowadays. I eat to drown my stomach’s growls and I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed a meal. Or a movie. Routine is wearing me out. Waking up at 7 am , hospital duty, college lectures, scorching heat, innumerable tests, late night cramming and waking up again. You get the gist. Feeling like this is really annoying me. I’m going to be an aunt in a few months, I’m doing well academically, my friends and family love me and still..there’s something. I first thought maybe I’m turning 21 soon and I’m just horrified at the fact that I’m still very much single and haven’t even been kissed yet. Atleast not when I’m conscious.(another story, another post) but then luckily I have realised it isn’t that and it’s probably just the buried stress. I’m always the friend that makes jokes and puts everyone at ease. I have been so busy doing that, that I haven’t noticed my slow descent through the cracks.

I don’t even like watching movies with endings that don’t involve the guy,the dog and/or the girl riding into the sunset together. Unhappy endings are just so..depressing. Which is why I didn’t even want to post this at the first place but I just wanted to see if it makes any sense written down because it certainly makes none otherwise.

I have decided a change of scenery is what I probably need right now but I can’t drop everything smack in the middle and leave. It sucks being an adult. I’m taking a week off from college, hospital, sick people, healthy people, EVERYONE and going to Dubai to visit my dad. If there’s one thing in the world that would cheer me up, that’s probably the sight of my dad awkwardly patting my head to show how much he missed me at the airport and my cousin brothers who are in grade 2 and fighting over who gets to carry my bags -not because they are polite little angels or anything but purely as an attempt to steal all the goodies that I have brought from here.

Going to kick that nagging exhaustion with their help and replace it with a zest to live, love and experience things. Have you ever wanted to just put your foot down and say “Ok, ENOUGH is enough!”?

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40 thoughts on “Don’t even want to think of a title

  1. Ugh, that’s hard. Thanks for being transparent about how you’re feeling. You gave a voice to what a LOT of people feel all the time. My first kiss was at 16, and even that was later than most of my friends. Both of my brothers are married – even the younger one! – and starting to have kids. It’s hard feeling left behind; feeling stuck in the mundane; feeling trapped by routine that has seemed to lose any meaning (“Why did I start doing this in the first place?”).

    I’ve had to get to a place where I’m trying to find the little joys in each and every day. There is a reason we are here, and there is a unique purpose for today. Today is the only day we have; we don’t even know if we have tomorrow. And every season has meaning and purpose; we are being refined and developed into the women we were created to be. There is a plan. There is a purpose. Take courage! Hugs ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for that! I really needed it to be drilled into my head that there is some purpose somewhere even though it’s not that obvious at first. I always feel like I’m being left behind by time. I hope the plan for me is just hidden somewhere and not lost and that I get a sneak peek at it soon before I drive everyone insane! ❤ 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • One of my favorite quotes is from C.S. Lewis: “We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

        I believe that God loves me (and loves you!) and is working for our good and his glory, but sometimes what’s best for us isn’t very much fun in the moment. A story from the bible that I really relate to is when God speaks to the wayward Israelites in the book of Hosea:

        “But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young… I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord.”

        Sometimes we are lead into the wilderness of the desert so that God can speak tenderly to us and woo us back to himself. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

  2. God, your life seems more stressed out than most. Marriages in India is always questionable, how parents can always see the right match for us is a mystery they will only understand. As far as not having kissed anyone yet, that ain’t a big issue, the first ones are the most awkward ones. 😛 You will laugh when you think of it later in life. 🙂
    It’s good you are going back home, I need to book my tickets to get home soon. Long time now. And then the goodies. 🙂 What are you getting for us back from Dubai? *innocent smile of a 5 year old kid*
    Travel safe and have fun 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ll probably be having my first kiss ‘later in life’ and the only time I can laugh about it will be when I’m dead and haunting people. 😛 That does sound a bit fun though. I’m planning to pass myself as a goodie to my dad. He’ll return me back without fail. I don’t even want to think about returning for now. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      • Are you implying that the moment you kiss someone, you will end up being dead because you couldn’t control the excitement inside you? 😛
        Don’t think of this place, as long as you are there, enjoy and get drenched in the shower of love from your family.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha, noo! I’m implying that I’ll be that old by then by the time I kiss someone willingly. It will probably be my first and last.
        I just want to be pampered for a loong time 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Don’t keep such low hopes about it, as a matter of fact it is wonderful feeling. Hope you don’t have to wait an eternity for it. 😀
        Daddy is the best person for that job when it comes to daughter’s and you are headed exactly there. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey lady! Sending hugs from afar! I have felt what you are describing, to a certain point. I think some of it has to do with being an adult. I am going to assume the rest has to do with the amount of pressure you are under. From what I’ve gathered you live under a pretty tight thumb. I can’t imagine living at the ripe old age of 21 not being allowed to date. At that age I was just beginning a very torrid love affair with a man I dated for 7 years. All I can offer as support is: your time will come. All humans are meant to love, regardless of religion, culture, or family values. You just need a steamy love affair and some independence and you’ll be fine. Until then, study and focus on your future career that will afford you all you need to accomplish your desires.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oooooh so exciting, I have never been there. Please blog about it and take loads of pictures! Maybe you will meet RobertDowney jr I’m the desert on a camel and you can ride off into the sunset. If you do, I insist you invite me to your wedding 😜

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can understand the feelings. Being captured in these day-to-day activity is hard to go by and it takes time to set free. But remember good things take time, there are destinies and there is timing.. 🙂 Have a good day.

    Liked by 1 person

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