Journey

Second friday! Wohoo! Second saturday is the only saturday I’m off. Finally the much awaited weekend of the month is here. I’m overjoyed to tell you that I’m posting this on my way to banglore- a journey of 5-6 hours to spend time with my pregnant(still can’t get over it)sister and my brother in law. Aaand I think the day they agree to let me name their kid is nearing. Yesterday when I hinted that they just burst out laughing and said “no way in hell” pretty viciously which is a huge improvement from the horrified expression I received when I suggested the same last month. Maybe that’s because I told them through phone and I couldn’t see their faces..but a progress nevertheless. 

My mom’s with them too. I can’t wait to let my mom feed me rice mixed with lots of curd and her delicious onion sambhar. With chicken nuggets too(obviously). I’m an extremely picky eater but I don’t get sick of the same dish over and over again. Which was a blessing in disguise for my mom since she was at her wit’s end on trying to get me to eat everyday when I was a kid. Actually that applies to most of the things in my life. I used to be comforted by routine. Any little change would drive me nuts and I would always try to ‘fix’ things. I lived in the same apartment my whole life, grew up with the same friends that I met in preschool, loved the same things I loved as a kid(I still can’t go one day without Nutella). Consistency was something I firmly believed in. My sister used to be more of the “live at the moment” types and while I was flabbergasted at the casual ease she made decisions that were considered extremely significant in my eyes, I was also secretly envious. You see, my mom is a worrier. The kind of person that can go from ‘It’s raining. So beautiful’ to ‘WE ARE ALL GOING TO DROWN AND DIE.’ in mere seconds. I’m more like my mom. My sister is laidback like my dad. I hated shopping because I didn’t like letting go of my old clothes. I didn’t like change. I’m ashamed to admit this but there are countless times I have wished that my friends break up with their then girlfriends/boy friend so that everything just goes back to what it was. I topped my exams in 10th grade with a grade point average of a perfect 10 to nobody’s surprise. All A1’s(our version of A+). That’s when I realised how boring things were. I actually wanted to be surprised or even a little shocked. I was tired of knowing everything beforehand. So I took a huge step and decided to relocate to India. Just me alone. My mom was startled and scared, my dad was happy that I was beginning to act “human”. I had way too high hopes before coming here so I was naturally disappointed. The move had a counter effect and I regretted starting over. I once again did extremely well in my entrance exams(to get admitted to colleges). And when India’s second/third best medical college offered me a seat after multiple interviews, tests. I snapped. I looked around the college -Armed forces medical college. The students needed to wake up early to start training. They took discipline very seriously. They had uniforms and everything even though it was a college. There was a bond for seven years. My life was set. It was extremely safe. I was mortified. I was done playing safe. I spent my whole life DOING THAT. I was terrified on the day of the admission because we, my parents and I had gone through so many hurdles to get there and I didn’t know how to approach them. “Changed my mind” seemed harsh so I just did what I could. Pluck my eyelid hair off to make a wish on it. Crossed my fingers. And I even PRAYED. The college authorities said that my eye power was slightly more than their limit. So I couldn’t apply unless I corrected my power by surgery which I was too young (then) to undergo. I was so relieved, I cried for hours on the spot. My family mistaking my tears told me not to worry and that I’ll easily find another college with my scores.  It was such a mess that I haven’t cleared up even now. I finally decided on a college in South India which was also reputed and discipline expected was that from normal university going students. I’m glad to say that I sometimes do terribly and sometimes really well in all the little tests they give us and I can shrug it off and laugh. When someone gets competitive with me I always tell them to pick someone else because I’m only too glad that I’m done with that phase of my life where I always wanted to be first in everything. I’ll do well, I know that. Maybe not in all tests that life throws but atleast in the ones that really matter. 🙂
I started this post thinking to keep it short and now it’s like a biography. That’s what happens when you are stuck in a train and you leave your headphones back at the hostel.

Have you ever woken up to realise that there was a personality trait of yours that you had for far too long and tried to change it as soon as you could?