Enduring nightmares to create memories

I spent the weekend in a lovely resort celebrating my friend’sΒ  bachelorette party! The parts I can recollect are amazing and the parts where I can only gather bits and pieces from my hazy mind are cringe-worthy. I don’t usually,no.. EVER let my hair down(also quite literally- It’s a horrifying mess) but this weekend was quite different. You see I’m going to turn 21 in a couple of months and I’m panicking. I know, I know it’s really silly. I have years to go before I sob about mundane sex, cheating husbands and crow’s feet(a pretty random list). 21 is a HUGE milestone that I’m dreading to touch. You see, we get married off in my family at that age. It’s almost like my family’s very own tradition. My sister got married at 21, my mom at 21, her sister at 21, their mother at 21..you sense the pattern here? All I can think before closing my eyes to sleep are the digits 2 and 1 tackling me towards domesticity. I’m not against domestic life, it’s definitely something I want but way..way..waaayyyy into the future. Not now. I have lived too carefully so as to not disappoint my family,friends and all for way too long. It’s only recently that I have started breathing solely for selfish reasons. So I snapped.

I’m the textbook definition of the stereotypical ‘good girl’. Crushes always, always remained just crushes. Coke anyday to vodka. Get the gist? I’m not comparing or anything but the friend whose party I attended physically atleast- she’s met the guy she’s supposed to marry ONCE. Yup. ONCE. And her wedding is fixed on December. She’s had a pretty wild life so she can’t wait to settle down. Me? I’m running away to Dubai in a week, for a couple of days to end my frustration with routine. I’m getting panic attacks even thinking of the words ‘settle down’.

Maybe I’m overreacting. My parents haven’t mentioned marriage and I’m in a medical course that will recquire another 4 years of toiling so maybe things will be a bit slower for me. But I don’t want to take chances on missing out on taking chances. If you know what I mean.

I willingly entered into a little fling with a friend of 5 years which is a really, really bad idea because despite everything I don’t really do ‘flings’, atleast I don’t think I do. It also doesn’t help that he lives in another continent entirely, but is here for a month and my feelings are definitely a little more than slightly involved. Luckily for me, being the incorrigible but cautious playboy(things keep getting better and better) he is, we gave ourselves 3 months to decide if we really want to do this or not. It’s a really bad idea but I’m turning 21! So my brain’s convinced me that sometimes nightmares make the best memories. The time when my dad cut short his overseas trip to return to a home strewn with plastic cups and loud music was an event my sister swears that she thought burying herself alive was the only available solution to make it out alive. But now, almost 10 years later it’s always a dinner time favourite recollection. So maybe that’s what all the things that seem like total nightmares now will be. Special endearing memories of tomorrow.

I’m going to try to do things I haven’t had the guts to do. No, no I’m not going to enrol in a gym. I’m not THAT brave. Let’s just take little or babysteps πŸ˜‰ ok? Got myself inked, in the process of complicating a completely great friendship with a playboy, setting fire to my insides for ‘fun’ during the party…and many, many more.

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I'll tell you what's shocking..21 YEARS OLD! I'm not sure that's what I was shocked about then though...

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41 thoughts on “Enduring nightmares to create memories

    • For once maybe autocorrect may have a point, sigh might be more suitable here! πŸ˜‰ I have no regrets because I rarely take chances. I’m actually regretting that I don’t have any regrets. *sighs* I just want to be a unicorn and poop out some rainbows.

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  1. From one “good girl” to another, I commend you for learning early on to loosen up and have some fun! I didn’t learn that as early as you have. Also from one “good girl” to another… from a good girl, gone bad, back to good again… our convictions are there for a reason and, while we could both definitely do with letting our hair down sometimes, usually our soul-deep impulses to be pure are ultimately for our good in the long run. I see a lot of myself in you! *Virtual hug* Wishing you lots of fun times and good memories in the present, and also wishing you peace and joy in the long term – peace and joy from deep-seated contentment in the things that really matter in this life ❀

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    • Thank you so much! You have given me quite a lot to think about! πŸ™‚ I know that this is just a little phase that I’m going through because of panic. Deep seated contentment for a satisfying life is the ultimate goal! Once again, thank you so much for your kind words! :*

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    • Haha!! That’s okay!
      I love drawing but Im only gifted at perfecting stick figures, I’m afraid! I’m terrible at art. Most people are surprised to hear that and they think I’m just being modest. So I always draw a little scenery for them..and let’s just say each it convinces them I’m being honest, everytime. πŸ˜‰

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  2. I so agree with everything you just said. I’ve always been the good girl too, always been the top student, thought about others before myself etc but I had a really bad phase at the start of the year and since then I’ve completely changed. I mean I’m still the good girl I was but I’ve started prioritising myself more because if I don’t then I know no one else will because everyone only thinks about themselves I’ve noticed. And as cringe and cheesy as this sounds, ive started listening to my heart more, like this one time I really wanted to go out for a walk in the middle of the night but it was a stupid idea because I was at my uni house and my friend wasn’t at home either so it was risky to go out on my own at that time, but I still did it and I had the time of my life, it was so beautiful and most of all it made my happy. And I’ve noticed that sometimes when I’m dreading something but do the thing anyway it turns out well, so we do have to endure nightmares to make the best memories!

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    • It’s not at all cheesy, I can completely relate to that. Even if it seems like a little thing like a walk alone at odd hours it’s so liberating when you go through with it! Good for you! πŸ˜€
      I’m sorry to hear about the bad phase but I’m glad you have taken it in your stride and used it as a positive influence. πŸ™‚

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