3 STEP GUIDE – Sharing private moments with an undesired spectator

No. This will not help you in any way if  your partner is into voyeurism and you are seeking ways to get comfortable with it if you aren’t already.

image

This image is in no way related to the post. But he has pretty eyes. Well AN eye.

This post will hopefully help prevent emotional trauma that you will experience in situations like finding out mid-shower that you aren’t the only one in the bathroom and that there is a FREAKING lizard on the ceiling with questionable balance skills! Probably be applicable with other little creatures too.

Step 1 : DO NOT RUN OUT OF THE BATHROOM.

The spectator will play with your emotions and you may fail to REMEMBER that you are naked. I ran out butt naked mid-potty when I spotted a gigantic spider right next to me when I was not as young as I would have liked to be during that episode. It didn’t help that we had guests over that day. Also, you may also forget to pull up your pants. I’ll leave what little is left unsaid for your imagination.

Step 2 : DO NOT MAKE SUDDEN MOVES

While you may think this is a smart move on your part to startle and scare the creature off, DON’T. I found a wiggling piece of a tail DETACHED from  the rest of the body of the lizard on my head once. Apparently it’s some sort of defence mechanism. Fight or flight..OR DROP A PIECE OF YOUR BODY THAT STILL MOVES ON IT’S OWN on the predator. Mother nature, why?

Step 3 : NEVER EVER EVER LOSE SIGHT

Always keep the intruder in your line of vision. Even if it means burning eyes due to soap or shampoo. The only thing scarier than finding some crawling bug semi/entirely naked is when it suddenly goes missing…and when it does, ignore step 1 and get the hell out of there.

I’m doing such a good job helping humanity that I’m thinking of making this 3 step thing a regular feature here! 😀 I will however not be giving instructions to survive the impending zombie apocalypse. One must always keep some secrets to themselves. I read somewhere that in the ‘good old days’ emperors would chop their architect and builder’s hands after they completed a masterpiece so as to prevent them from recreating the work elsewhere. This is why I may have to hold back some vital information. With humans, being humans you can never tell what we would do next to a person who has nothing more to offer. Ok, this is waayy too serious for a discussion regarding zombie apocalypses!

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49 thoughts on “3 STEP GUIDE – Sharing private moments with an undesired spectator

    • No,no you are missing out on little joys of life.To pee in that constant fear of whether or not the lizard will fall on your head has made me more appreciative of the little things I took for granted like the extra time I would just simply sit in the bathroom at home to drive my sister crazy. Some sit under trees for years to gain enlightenment, me? Just a day in the hostel bathroom.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I had a spider the size of a silver dollar in my bed the other night. I freaked, jumped outta bed, scared my wife, she jumped outta bed, sheets and blanket pulled back. Never did find it! Oh, I have a good snake story too, but it’s a bit R-rated, so I’ll digress.

    Liked by 1 person

    • When they pull the disappearing act, it scares the hell out of me! If it was me, it would have taken me hours..ok fine, to be honest, days before I would be able to sleep peacefully without trying out pathetic ‘ninja-moves’ everytime a strand of hair touched the back of my neck. Oooo..the snake story sounds interesting! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is freakin’ hilarious. LOVE. Except for the emotional trauma part.

    I had a kajillapede (those crawlies with a bazillion legs) fall on my head and roll down my naked back when I was on the pot (I was getting ready to hop in the shower; I don’t normally do my bidness naked).

    Incidentally, those bugs? Will detach legs, too. So if you squish one, the legs might come off. AND THEY WILL STILL BE TWITCHING WHICH IS SOOOO NOT OK.

    Liked by 1 person

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