ARRRGGGHHH

The title sums up everything. You know your day may not go quite well when you end up swatting flies and scratching yourself from 2 am only to realise at 4 am that your roommate with a libido that jump starts when she sees anyone that has shown a teeny tiny interest in you but has quite an inactive brain left the door to the room WIDE OPEN. So needless to say, I woke up grumpy, annoyed and just basically wanted to hide under my blanket for the rest of the day or actually year.

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This is probably how my roommate's mother feels..everyday!

It also doesn’t help that the protagonist in the book I was reading was going through a hard time. I can’t explain it but I am what I read. If the lead is extremely happy, so am I. If she’s trying to slip past a paid hitman, I’ll be jumpy even when the book is closed for a bit so I can carry on with the activites in my life. I don’t leave the bed for days if it ends on a sad note. Yes, Nicholas Sparks had driven my family mad when I was younger.

I’m not miserable. I have no reasons to feel so. I’m not even tired since my postings are relatively relaxed this month. I just don’t care. Tests,exams,cultural events..I’m finding it very hard to care about anything. I’m a person that recquires a teeny bit of stress for that very much needed push to the finish line. It usually helps me be productive. A little of it, not too much though! But lately I’m finding it very hard to even muster some interest which is the only thing that can evoke stress.

Last month at this time, I thought eradicating stress was the only step to happiness. I realise now indifference is worse.

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You belong with meeee

Nobody other than Taylor Swift has said that to me and really meant it. She was screaming it to the cute guy in the video but I choose to ignore that.

I’m a malayalee NRI who is studying in Tamil Nadu. To make this easier on those who aren’t familiar with the terms used above, I was raised in a different country and my family originally hails from a state in India and I study in ANOTHER state in India. Phew. Yeah I think I nailed it. So what’s the big deal? Everyone moves. The thing is every single place is completely different. From the languages they speak – English,Arabic mainly in Dubai, Malayalam in Kerala and Tamil in TamilNadu to the mindsets quite liberal in Dubai, not so much in Kerala and Tamil Nadu. Anyways I don’t think geography is really an excuse, but that’s all I have for now.

I have never really ‘fitted in’ anywhere despite my attempts to do so. I’m an extremely friendly person that would shower smileys at you online or talk non-stop in our first meeting. I try so hard to make the other person more comfortable by joking about that I don’t even realise that I haven’t taken efforts to make +myself comfortable!

The thing is, I just ended a really toxic friendship with someone recently. It should be feeling good but instead the whole process of him screwing up-me getting mad-he apologizing profusely-me getting less mad-he being really nice-me letting it go-he screwing up AGAIN had become some sort of vicious circle that weirdly enough offered me some sense of stability. I don’t know how to explain it. I would know that, that particular friend would soon do something he would regret and blame it on his “state of mind” and I would feel sorry for him. Somehow I started depending on this terrible predictable pattern to function.

But you know what, it’s been way too long that I put my comfort and my ‘state of mind’ or whatever above somebody’s that clearly doesn’t value mine. I’m done craving approval from others while the only approval I should be bothered about is solely mine. There are some people in the world that no matter how many chances you give are bound to mess things up. I might be that person to someone else,who knows. But I’m done for now.

I spent most my life trying to be the ideal daughter, granddaughter(my grandfather can’t stand me, so it obviously didn’t work! I’m not complaining, he isn’t the perfect mentor I want in my life or anything.), friend that I forgot to be me. Very cliché and even more true.

I’m a little upset and I’m likely to be that way for a few hours or days so no, I’m not going to say something funny just because you aren’t feeling too good or because I’m supposed to do so since that’s what I DO! I’m going to mope for a while because I want to. And more importantly I CAN.

I have come way off topic now that I don’t even remember what I wanted to blog about in the first place. The point is for now I belong with me and the rest of my prized ‘possessions’ will just have to wait.

3 STEP GUIDE – Sharing private moments with an undesired spectator

No. This will not help you in any way if  your partner is into voyeurism and you are seeking ways to get comfortable with it if you aren’t already.

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This image is in no way related to the post. But he has pretty eyes. Well AN eye.

This post will hopefully help prevent emotional trauma that you will experience in situations like finding out mid-shower that you aren’t the only one in the bathroom and that there is a FREAKING lizard on the ceiling with questionable balance skills! Probably be applicable with other little creatures too.

Step 1 : DO NOT RUN OUT OF THE BATHROOM.

The spectator will play with your emotions and you may fail to REMEMBER that you are naked. I ran out butt naked mid-potty when I spotted a gigantic spider right next to me when I was not as young as I would have liked to be during that episode. It didn’t help that we had guests over that day. Also, you may also forget to pull up your pants. I’ll leave what little is left unsaid for your imagination.

Step 2 : DO NOT MAKE SUDDEN MOVES

While you may think this is a smart move on your part to startle and scare the creature off, DON’T. I found a wiggling piece of a tail DETACHED from  the rest of the body of the lizard on my head once. Apparently it’s some sort of defence mechanism. Fight or flight..OR DROP A PIECE OF YOUR BODY THAT STILL MOVES ON IT’S OWN on the predator. Mother nature, why?

Step 3 : NEVER EVER EVER LOSE SIGHT

Always keep the intruder in your line of vision. Even if it means burning eyes due to soap or shampoo. The only thing scarier than finding some crawling bug semi/entirely naked is when it suddenly goes missing…and when it does, ignore step 1 and get the hell out of there.

I’m doing such a good job helping humanity that I’m thinking of making this 3 step thing a regular feature here! 😀 I will however not be giving instructions to survive the impending zombie apocalypse. One must always keep some secrets to themselves. I read somewhere that in the ‘good old days’ emperors would chop their architect and builder’s hands after they completed a masterpiece so as to prevent them from recreating the work elsewhere. This is why I may have to hold back some vital information. With humans, being humans you can never tell what we would do next to a person who has nothing more to offer. Ok, this is waayy too serious for a discussion regarding zombie apocalypses!

Pinocchio, PLEASE!

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Boundaries. If it weren’t for them we would be claiming each other’s lands, sleeping in our neighbor’s house and maybe in their beds along with their spouses too. Basically utter chaos would ensue if we didn’t keep them. Metaphorical or not, they are important.

Yes, I know the previous blog post was about me trying to dig up some dirt on my friend’s crush without her knowledge which is a clear violation of staying within the boundary. In my defense, whatever boundaries that existed flew out of the window when we used to take bubble baths together in our childhood so it doesn’t matter.  *Hypocrisy at it’s best*

Right, now that’s settled. I think I might need to piss around myself to mark my territory which contains well, just me since some people seem to mistake me as public property. Oh, I’m sorry you want to know what’s happening in my life even though you aren’t my friend so that you can pass some crude comments about what I should be doing and what I shouldn’t! That sounds lovely, grab some popcorn will you, this might take a while!

No, you just CANNOT poke my chest area when I’m wearing a skin-fit dress and say “My, my, my so they do exist..barely but still!” if I don’t know you well. That’s just weird! True, but WEIRD.

Ugh. It’s so much harder since I’m a woman. Not because I’m more prone to get hurt in the emotional aspects. Please. It’s just harder to pee around yourself and not soil yourself in the process.

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If only people were more like Voldemort..the world would be all about rainbows and unicorns!

What about you? How do you twart away the nosy Pinocchios in your life? Ideas other than standing in a circle made by your urine will be deeply appreciated.

On being Marco..

You remember the time you spent 3 hours hiding under a bed at some random furniture shop marveling at your brilliance? You thought you finally figured out the only place in the world where you would never get caught. The realisation that your friends had stopped playing the game after the first hour came a bit later than you would have ideally preferred but the point is, hide and seek is actually a really fun game. If your friends weren’t jerks that gave up too easily that is. Now, have you played hide and seek with an inanimate object? The one that doesn’t quite grasp the rules? Despite going crazy seeking them out and yelling surrender, they still refuse to come out. It’s NOT FUN.

This is what me and my mom were playing at my sister’s place at 2 am yesterday..or today morning, to be precise. It’s not the first time we are playing it but it’s been long since we last played it so we were a little out of touch. Did I mention that this game is always initiated unintentionally by me? I’m not clumsy despite what people claim. My things just like their owner refuse to conform to expectations – ‘The scissor can’t just FLY on it’s own now, CAN IT?’ Maybe it got sick of people telling it that its not supposed to fly and it just took off-literally. So yesterday, I lost my paper disappeared. It’s of average significance compared to the other things I have misplaced that have run away from me so I wasn’t very worried about finding it. They all eventually come back. My mother should know better, they always came to her first when I was younger. They probably still would but she doesn’t live with me anymore and their cover will be blown if they turn up infront of her. I am not paranoid..do you have a better explanation as to how exactly  three seconds after I search the exact spot, my mother finds the thing?

Clearly my mom needs me. She’s completely lost her touch at making things appear magically while keeping her cool. It’s been so long that we turned a place upside down. It used to be a regular occurrence when I was in school so much that it used to be “Our thing”, you know. The playful bickering, the ‘How many times do I have to tell you’s and the immediate transition to the fake cheery ‘Don’t worry We’ll find it. We have all night!’ after watching my face fall. I miss this. I didn’t realise that losing the same things is different when you stay away from home. Lately I have been a little preoccupied with my things and my mom with my sister’s pregnancy so we haven’t had much time for each other. Dab on her menopausal mood swings to my growing impatience, we have basically spent no time together at all. This post is to thank the paper that magically turned up in my brother in law’s cupboard (How? I don’t know) . Thank you for making me and my mom crawl on our knees, stand on our toes, lie flat on our stomach and what-not. We may have failed to locate you but we didn’t fail us. Which means a whole lot more than finding a semi-important paper anyways.

P.S. If my brother in law is reading this, very unlikely but still. Don’t gloat just because you found it. It was JUST dumb LUCK! Until next time..!

Babies and butt-prints

Lazy Saturdays are the best! That’s a lie actually, lazy any-day is good for me. However I was dragged from the couch strategically placed right in front of the television while indulging in nutella to accompany my pregnant sister to her check-up. I tried to charmingly explain it to my mom why I must stay put and not leave but the “MA I’M 20 YEARS OLD! I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE” won’t be taken seriously if your chin and forehead has nutella stains on it. So that’s why I’m blogging from the hospital and leaving butt-prints at places other than the couch at home. My mom must be so proud.

Anyways, I’m wearing an oversized tshirt and my hair is a complete mess. I dress up ‘appropriately’ to hospitals every day of the week,  so I’m not even trying today. But ooo ooooo the doctor pointed out my little nephew/niece in the scan. The baby seems to be following our tradition of leaving as little as butt-prints possible. Despite the doctors attempts to try to ‘shake things up’ the baby resolutely stayed dormant. I have a feeling I’ll get along well with this one! She showed us his/her thighs, hands, head and the tiny, tiny beats of the heart. In our family, we don’t really hug,kiss or display any sort of emotions excessively. We are very informal with each other, I sometimes call my mom by her first name but we all get uncomfortable with public display. In that room when that little heart was ticking, I thought if this was a movie everyone would have their eyes brimming with tears but we all seemed composed and bored on the outside but I’m sure everyone was flipping out in their own little way inside. My sister, who is the baby of the family despite being 5 years older is having one of her own. I don’t think I’m going to believe it till I hear the incessant wailing!
There was also continuous playful bickering with my brother in law who claims I resemble a homeless person with zero sense of hygiene which is TOTALLY untrue. Granted I look a little messy at all times, but he’s just exaggerating..hopefully. So it was nice when a completely cute stranger who was taller than me(I should have abducted him, ugh!) started a totally random conversation with me in the elevator. Super friendly too but not in that creepy way that I am sometimes.

And to top it off, tomorrow is..yes say it with me..A SUNDAY! From Monday, it’s internal exams, drastic weather, confrontation with a roommate who can’t take a hint..but that’s for another post. As of now, I’m just going to harass my brother in law and turn my eyes away from anything that’s yellow. All these minions everywhere is giving me a headache.

Shadows

I really should be sleeping but obviously my mind seems to think that my shadow seems like a valid excuse to get kicked out of class tomorrow for catching up on my sleep that I’m losing NOW.

I’m actually tracing doodles on the wall with my thumb and trying, and failing miserably to make shadows of a scary dog. My impression looks just like a hand. Which it obviously actually is. *sighs*

Speaking Writing of shadows, Recently I did something I’m not entirely proud of but would probably do it again if I had another chance. One of my closest friends has basically fallen for a guy who, for a refreshing change, I genuinely like. So YAY rainbows and unicorns everywhere. However me,being ME figured I’m not going to lose anything if I’m a little cautious. I convinced myself that it’s for the sake of my sensitive friend but who am I kidding..it’s really just for me to put my mind to ease. So I basically did what Indian families do when they find someone they like on the matrimony site, I asked around for a background check. NO,DON’T. I KNOW.

Anyway, the point is NOBODY knows the guy. Despite spending around 5 years in a college, none of the juniors or seniors know him!!
It’s too risky to check with his batchmates since I don’t want him to get wind of this and realise that one of his ‘soon to be-girl’s’ best friends has..erm questionable habits. By the time I realised I shouldn’t be interfering and that I could always make him miserable IF he hurts her I realised he was probably just like a shadow at college.

Down the lane, when some person with the same questionable habit(who is hopefully as harmless and a little pathetic, if you may, like me) asks my juniors or seniors about me I don’t want them to rave about how ‘awesome’ I was(because let’s face it they won’t) but I don’t want them to not know me either. I read a really nice post recently that I can’t seem to find now since my net is having moodswings, stating that humans seem indecisive about many things. We don’t know if we want to stand out or to blend in by belonging somewhere? I am tired of literally, standing out in school. At 5’10 where the average height is 5’5 (boys and girls) standing out was inevitable. Leadership skills? I can’t even say no to a person without following it up “hahah, I’m just kidding ofcourse, I’ll do it” . I’ll probably be the squad leader who would approve Hitler’s decisions to carry out his version of ‘cleansing’ the human race inorder to avoid the discomfort at watching his sad expression if I were to deny his request.
It’s too late or early-now at 4 am, depending on how you look at it to ponder if I should try to stand out or blend in. So I’m just going to perfect this shadow of the dog that still looks like a deformed hand and do things that I usually do without worrying about whether it will impact the world or not. As long as I’m being myself and doing things that make me happy, I don’t think anything else matters. Although I must learn to reign in the “mother hen” tendencies to try to run a pathetic attempt of a background check on people and just learn to trust them to not hurt anyone I know and love. Or atleast trust my little ‘chicks’ to be able to fend for themselves. Hats off to parents everywhere. I don’t know how you don’t give in to that desire to lock your children in to keep them safe. One naive amazing friend and I want to keep her locked up high in a tower so that she doesn’t hurt herself. Awesome. It’s 4 am and I sound like a sexist creepy evil witch from a fairytale. It’s not going to end well for me if this continues, is it?

GUESS WHO’S GOING HOME

ME ME ME ME ME!!

I’m at the airport waiting in my gate while I attempt to write a post. I say attempt because my thumbs are frozen. I think the air conditioning in airports are handled by those who grew up with polar bears as their pets. Anyways, enough whining! I’m going home! So YAY! Yes, I’ll be having loads of work to catch up on since I’m leaving smack in the middle of things. Those rants are scheduled for when I return so I’m not going to elaborate on them now.
There is this middle aged woman sitting across me with her two children grabbing her hair for attention. I met her a few hours ago when her husband was furiously waving at an older woman-probably his mom or mistress(who am I to judge?) while she frankly looked a little relieved(who wouldn’t?). There’s this man who looks exhausted and upset. He probably must be leaving home to return to his work overseas like most. Or maybe he’s had a rough session with his mistress that he cleverly placed in a different country and now he’s returning to his wife. Pfft!
A girl is furiously punching into her phone (like me) and hasn’t even seen a really cute guy who is seated right next to her(unlike me, I checked). There’s this uncle – Fun fact : Most indians address complete strangers that are more or less middle aged as either uncle or aunt. Including me. Anyways that uncle is just sitting there now. He was doing something interesting which I forgot while I was explaining the art of addressing people in India. Bleh.

I’m still freezing. I think I have a sweater somewhere in my hand baggage but I can’t seem to recollect if I packed my granny type underwears at the top or not. In my defense, they are so much more comfortable than those flimsy ones that are more in demand. Also, the kids I mentioned earlier are just waiting for an opportunity to harass me. I can already picture them running across the gate with my elastic underwear with printed flowers and toppling over the cute guy and the girl that hasn’t seen him yet. Maybe due to the commotion she’ll look up and they’ll fall in love and then many,many years later, at their wedding they would thank granny panties everywhere for bringing them together.

I told you, granny panties are definitely more romantic than anything else. Maybe I should send an email to Victoria Beckham. Or maybe I’m in desperate need for sleep since it’s around 3:40 am. What do you think?

Why I’m not very fond of spending more than 15 minutes with a kid

The heading’s a bit word-ey but it fits. Barely.

I’m usually in my senses so you’d think that I wouldn’t find myself in awkward situations way too often but this is how the scene usually plays out :

My mom : Chanduuuuuuuu(my pet name, long story) Look who has come, your BEST friend. *points at a 8 year old kid I have never seen before*
Me : Er..ma I don’t thin- *flinches at her infamous glare* Hi! What’s your name?
Mom : Go play with her, you have lots in common! Have fun!

See? I am helpless. This is how it all starts. The end of time. I’m slightly exaggerating? I don’t think so.

Type 1

Annoying Nosy Curious kid : Oooo who are you talking to on the phone?
Me : Bfratheu*(It’s supposed to be a name, that’s the best I could come up with).
Kid: OOOOOOOOO MYTHILI AND BFRATHEU(I should have written Paul or Raj. Ugh!) sitting on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G
Me: Um, sir? I am so sorry. No,no I understand you are just helping me out with my coursework! You are 60, that would make you a pedophile sir. Haha..no, sir it was a joke!…sir? Hello? Hellloo?

Type 2

The kid with a thorn up his ass
Active kid : What’s this? What’s this?
Me : No, don’t touch that! That’s my favourite book. DROP IT.
Active kid : nanananaboooobooo *starts doing dangerous impressive acrobatic-like actions with the book*
Now, I’m concerned about the kid’s neck too. If something goes wrong he would drop my book and .. UGH! The page would fold. I can’t even…no..

Type 3

Shy kid : *blinks*
Me : mmm..So who is your best friend? Do you like iron man? I loveeee iron man! Blue is so pretty.
—-10 mins later—-
Shy kid : You are wrong. Iron man’s suit is not made by your love. That’s a silly stupid dumb thing to say. Iron man is actually a misnomer since the suit isn’t made of Iron. It’s actually made of an alloy…
Me: ……

Type 4

Kim Kardashian Princess/Ken : Can I pleaaasse braid your hair?
Me : Um, I don’t know..
Princess/Ken : And also pierce your nose? After applying nailpolish to all your fingernails and toenails ofcourse. Pleaseeeeee

Type 5

The complain box The avid observer : Are you supposed to be wiping your hands that’s dripping with chocolate on your dog?
Me : *in fake casual voice*
Sure. He loves it. It’s like his favourite deodorant. I’m not lazy or anything. I mean granted the towel is in the washroom which is 7 steps from where I’m sitting which may seem like quite a distance to some..but not me. *coughs*
Observer : Hmm..let’s ask my MOMMY. M-O-M-M-E-E-E-E-E

As you can see, through no fault of mine kids and I share a love-hate relationship. My sister is five/six months into her pregnancy and it’s super exciting which is why I had a random thought on kids in general and hence this post! I’m going to be an AUNT SOOOON! Wait..what’s all those wrinkles doing on your forehead? Don’t you think I can totally nail this “aunt” thing ? 😀

Lalalalalalala

I’m happy! The weather is great..atleast while I type this. I’m leaving in a couple of days for the break that only I believe is well deserved. People seem sweet all of a sudden. Birds are cooing- ok, This alone is annoying. I despise birds. Especially their need to wake the whole world up at 3 am by attempting to sing sopranos. No, just no. It’s a sunday!! EVERYONE MUST  OVERSLEEP. And what’s with the “I’ll shit on whoever I want, whenever I want” attitude? So callous. Whenever I look up at them, while walking under a tree I see them plotting with each other in shrieks that I can’t decipher. I am serious.

Moving on before someone locks me up somewhere! Everything seems perfect, except the birds but that’s for another blog post.

I feel like this on most sundays so I thought maybe it’s just that. However while I passed the local gym, I had a sudden thought of enrolling- I didn’t, because..well BECAUSE. I’m willingly to torture myself to ensure a longer healthier life? I’m scaring myself now. All this happiness for no specific reason is getting into my head so I decided I better send some of it your way for purely selfish reasons, dear readers before I do something I’ll eventually regret(Like the gym *shudders*). So here’s wishing each one of you plenty of happiness for this sunday and the next day and the next..

What’s making you happy today? 😀