My parents never fight. Except for this one instance I vividly remember. I ran up to my sister scared asking her if they’d divorce and who she would choose to live with if that happens. My sister didn’t even look up from her MP4 player and told me, “Whoever takes you in. I’ll happily choose the other one.” To be fair, Teenagers are usually not known for their thriving emotional intelligence. So my parents never fight and you’d wrongly assume my conflict resolution skills would be top notch when in reality it’s non-existent. They never fought because my mother was very submissive in nature and preemptively never did anything that she felt would irritate or annoy him. As a 25 year old, Every time I have a minor conflict with a friend or in a relationship, I quickly jump to the conclusion that it’s over. And there’s no point trying to fix it because if we were so perfect then we’d not have any fights right? So I have lost so many friends along the way, The few that stuck have been tormented by me for prolonging small issues. I try harder now because I realize relationships are too valuable to be questioned over minor differences but as a child I lost a lot of good friends along the way. So I surrounded myself with a lot of yes-man type of personalities for a long time till I was called out.
My friend’s parents always fought. So he grew up realizing that minor tussles are just a part and parcel of life and that inevitably it doesn’t matter since they’d figure it out in the end. So it was never a ‘big deal’. You can guess the issues we would have faced. A minor problem – my brain goes into an overdrive – while his is comfortably resting and telling him to take a nap and deal with it the next day — by then my brain would have exploded. This series of events were a disaster. I am learning. We are learning. It’s funny when you think of all the subtle non-lessons you picked up subconsciously from your family. Things they didn’t intend you to ever learn from them. If only I inherited my mom’s cooking and not her impatience but that’s not how it works. I’d like to think that some people are so influential in our lives that they don’t need hands, The air around them itself is capable of molding us into who we are. So watch your tongue, Take your hands off your crotch, Be good – Just don’t let all your toxic traits poison the air. You can never be sure who is in the vicinity.