A toothbrush won’t make your hair shiny

One of the things I have NEVER understood is how do advertisements get away with the atrocious claims and worse, How can people, if they do at all, judge a product by those claims? Anyone with a sane mind can easily figure that life is not going to be all rainbows and ponies because of a new toothpaste or a cream.  But then again sane minds are not that abundant these days…anyways. Here’s a list of advertisements that I believe after being subjected to, you are bound to lose a few, or many brain cells.

• Fairness creams

Because happiness co-exists with a lighter skin tone and pigs fly high

I don’t know about the world, but in India, skin color is a hugely misunderstood concept. We are so caught up with being fair that if you read one of our matrimony columns, you are bound to see at least a dozen of “handsome fair educated boy looking for fair bride” types- fair comes in the same level as educated. Again, this is not applicable to every one, I’m just generalizing (I need to write about something , so hold your guns). So next time you call us ‘brown’ take a moment to clarify-light,medium or dark- it makes a huge difference. Really. Ok not really.

These ads usually have the following tagline- Lonely? Want a man? A job? A LIFE? Look no further,you just need to get fair! That’s the solution to all your problems. I can almost picture logic shooting itself on the head. If you want to be successful in life, throw hard work out of the window and get yourself the newly improved fairness cream instead.

• Deodorants

If you can read the slightly blurred text, picture doesn’t recquire a caption. If you can’t then consider yourself lucky and save those brain cells.

I have nothing against deodorants, in fact because of them people can even afford to list showering as a hobby and still not be restrained when they enter public premises. Not that I do that, or anything. A total random thought.

Personally I feel ‘the Axe effect’ tops the list. These ads portray men and women in such a way that I’m not sure which sex is exactly being objectified – Men having to rely solely on their scent to get a girl(in various states of undress, of course) or whether it’s women, who run behind these ‘men whose self confidence comes from a bottle-a path which never ends well’ solely under the guidance of their nostrils? If you have other ambitions than effectively blocking out your natural body odour, may I suggest an online dating site?

• Sanitary napkins

Nope, not even close.

Only the name sounds fancy, it’s just a façade. Who are you fooling with those chirpy squeaky voices and those insane long and high jumps –all done wearing white jeans when we all know you must have had a little help from some analgesic, and you are putting the napkins, in discussion in the spotlight? Sanitary napkins do not give relief, PAINKILLERS DO. Liars.

• Vehicles – particularly motor bikes

And you thought she couldn’t do this without you

Ok, I know absolutely squat about vehicles but I’m sure my dad doesn’t buy a motor-bike based on the number of women featured in the ad that stare longingly at you, while your girlfriend holds on to you for her dear life while you perform reckless stunts in an isolated road. Who are you kidding? Firstly, EMPTY roads? People bump into others even while sleeping here with the population crisis and all. And proper roads? Where?

Advertisements basically work, because of the common desperation we have to find the other half, get attention, and also attract a bit of envious glances. Let’s be honest, we all want them but I am sure I don’t want any of these with the help of a bike, fairness cream or whatever. If you think you are bound to run into your soul mate by getting fair, or buy purchasing a bike you are somehow going to be really popular, be warned-stay away from sunlight, as tans will probably drive the ‘loved one’ you have gotten after so much effort away, and I’m pretty sure popularity depends more on your character than on the model you ride, of bikes-just wanted to clarify that.